VALIDATION: What you can't get enough of

Question. Know why you love your best friend? Answer.Because they make you feel good about yourself!

 Watch a bunch of girlfriends walking down a street or in a shopping mall. I guarantee you to hear statements like- " aww your hair is so cute girl! Am so jealous!" or "this  necklace is perfect on you, it brings out your big brown eyes!" or better yet " your the best girlfriend ever and we will be bffs forever!!"

By the way BFF stands for- Best friends forever- just in case your as old as I am and can't keep up with the acronyms!  The point I am trying to make is that we like to hang out with people who make us feel good about ourselves- those who seem to find us fascinating or those who just show a big NEED for us. 

Allow me a few examples.

I absolutely love being around my mum coz she will always find ways to make me feel NEEDED! "Papa, please check out the tv- something's just isn't  working right! See this kettle, a few days ago it sparked and I am scared it might burn down the house the next time I  turn  it on!".    etc

 On my part, I heap praise after praise  on every meal she prepares for me-  I will rave about her cooking- not only because it is true but also because I know she feeds off it and it makes her smile twice the more! Plus- It guarantees that I  get invited again for dinner soon!

Let's look at couples in love.  Those in the 'healthiest' of relationships can't seem to stop smothering each other with sweet nothings. It could make you sick just hanging around them. "Baby, hold my hand, you know I couldn't cross the road without you!" " honey if you don't come to that party with me, I ain't going!"  

" Buttercup, if you ever left me, I would die!".  Blah blah..

That couple might sound silly, but they are not about to split up any time soon! They have discovered VALIDATION.

If validation is such a big deal ,you may ask why do some women stay in abusive relationships?

 Easy answer to that one.There is a twisted version of validation at play.

 Example.

 A crack addict pimp  who beats up on his girl. He screams at her- " You $&@$!  where is the money today? How am I going to get a fix today? What are we going to eat tonight huh?"

The woman is made to feel that if she doesn't come through- then her boyfriends life is going to crumble. So she is validated in feeling NEEDED- even if she is only being used- the sense of being needed for another human beings survival is so big it will actually make her stay! 

" Poor  Danny, without me, he wouldn't last a week out here!" She thinks to herself.

On the other hand- Danny the pimp thinks of the girl as being a total wreck without him. " Who would protect you against dangerous men  who may want to hurt you or abuse you huh? Who would date or  want a whore like you anyway  huh ?"

It's really twisted thinking- but it works!

Final example. A man's friends. A guy will only hang around guys who listen to and respect his opinion. If guys keep putting a man down every time he talks- I guarantee you that brotherhood is breaking up! The guy needs to feel he belongs in the "crew". Every guy has his place in his crew.

There's the nerd, there's the cool suave calm and collected dude, there's the hustler- the guy who can get anything done, there is the macho all-up -in-your - face know- it -all guy, and of course there is the ' baby' of the crew- the darling of the team.

All these guys stay in the crew because they find validation there. There is a personal  niche carved just right for each one of them- and they snuggle tight in there!   (men just won't get mushy enough to admit it!)

It is wired in all of us. Validation is a natural craving. An addiction- and we all need a dose  of it sooner or later- we go searching for it, hunting for it, fighting for it!

That's why Hollywood is so messed up! There is a bunch of broken people trying to balance the fame in the public and in their private lives! They know how to receive attention, but they don't know how to give it! So two superstars can't really stay married if each of them is in competition with each other for affection! No one between them is sober enough to back off and be the primary giver- there is no sacrifice here. It's get get get! Gimme this and gimme that!  The famous actress gives an ultimatum-"Me first or the highway mister!"  The actor thinks-" I don't need this stress, I can do better! Does she even know who I am? Who wouldn't want a famous, wealthy hunk like me huh?" .....and so Mr and Mrs Smith break up... and they go back to chasing that illusive 'perfect partner'.

If I had the choice of working for a boss who was a sour puss and always put me and my work down but paid good money or for a struggling entrepreneur who loved my work and praised my efforts to the rest of the team at every opportunity- but couldn't pay me well enough- guess who I would work for?

 Validation is absolutely powerful!

 That's why kids are in gangs pulling triggers before they are 14. That's why that girl next door works the streets. She feels like a queen every night. Her home is broken, father and mother are messed up- but strangers make her feel "special and wanted". Intoxicating stuff this validation is!

That's why God litters the Bible with words of love and affection. God wants to validate you. He wants to let you know your worth! The Bible tells us that we are children of a King- we are princes and Princesses!

The Bible tells us that God loved us so much that He sent His ONE and ONLY  Son to die for YOU and ME!

 I don't know about you- but that statement bleeds with validation!

God knows we are messed up people- craving, lusting, dying- to be wanted and to belong! 

And He says "Come, come to me, the validation your looking for, you will find it in me- not in others or things!

 Only I completely satisfy your soul"

Your thirsty. So what are you waiting for? Drink. Drink deep from Jesus. He will really tell you who you are..... and perhaps that ache- that eternal craving to be wanted and to belong- will begin to diminish...... just  maybe!